For many years, those dissatisfied with their spouse have used “change” as an excuse for breaking marital vows established by God (Matthew 19:5-6). Change is inevitable. But change does not supersede promises made between a man and a woman. Marriage is not intended to be a static relationship; but one that involves change. We cannot grow without change. Therefore, we must seek change in ways that are pleasing to God. When we change, our relationship to others changes. We cannot change others; but we can change ourselves. In this way, we make God a partner in our marriage relationship, allowing Him to influence changes in our spouse. “In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person” (W. D. Gough). We would do well to concentrate on growing into the image of Christ rather than fretting about deficiencies we have found in our mate. Far more changes will be affected this way than by constantly expressing negative feelings about our marriage partner.
We would do well to begin the process of change by following the instructions of the apostle Paul who told wives to “be subject to their own husbands as to the Lord” and husbands to “love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Eph. 5:22, 25). Love and respect are the keys to successful marriage. These qualities stand in stark contrast to the selfishness and pride which often wreak havoc in many marriages. If we are going to change, let’s change in the direction of love and respect. God knows what is best. After all, He is the One who ordained marriage in the first place.
— Glen Elliott —